As a new leader, delivering negative feedback can feel like navigating a minefield. While candid conversations are essential for growth, poorly delivered criticism can damage trust, decrease motivation, and even trigger employee disengagement. This newsletter outlines five common feedback mistakes and provides practical strategies to transform your approach.

1. FOCUSING ON PERSONALITY INSTEAD OF BEHAVIOR

Research shows that personality-based criticism triggers the brain’s defense mechanisms, making feedback 83% less likely to be implemented.

When you target who someone is rather than what they did, you activate threat responses that make productive change nearly impossible. Instead, focus on specific, observable behaviors that can be modified.

“The most effective feedback addresses choices, not character.” – Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor

EASY WIN: Before your next feedback conversation, write down three specific behaviors you observed and their impact. Practice framing your comments as “When you [specific action], it results in [specific impact].”

POTENTIAL PITFALL: Watch for “personality creep” in your language. Phrases like “you’re disorganized” or “you lack attention to detail” attack identity rather than actions. Replace them with “the report was missing key information” or “deadlines were missed on these three occasions.”

2. WAITING TOO LONG TO ADDRESS ISSUES

Research from the Society for Human Resource Management found that 57% of managers delay giving negative feedback until performance reviews, by which time small issues have often grown into significant problems.

Timely feedback prevents the compound effect of repeated mistakes and avoids the uncomfortable “feedback dump” that occurs when leaders store up problems.

“The longer you wait to address an issue, the more examples you’ll have—and the more defensive they’ll be.” – Joseph Grenny, co-author of Crucial Conversations

EASY WIN: Implement a personal “48-hour rule”—if something bothers you enough that you’re still thinking about it two days later, schedule a conversation immediately.

POTENTIAL PITFALL: Avoid the pendulum swing to impulsive feedback delivered in the heat of the moment. Create a brief cooling period (a few hours, not weeks) to organize your thoughts and approach the conversation strategically.

3. NEGLECTING THE POSITIVE-TO-NEGATIVE RATIO

Behavioral research by Dr. Barbara Fredrickson revealed that high-performing teams maintain approximately a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.

While negative feedback is necessary, it must exist within a broader context of recognition and appreciation. Leaders who only appear when problems arise create anxiety and resistance.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

EASY WIN: Create a “recognition log” where you track positive contributions from each team member. Before delivering constructive criticism, review this log to ensure you’ve recently acknowledged their strengths.

POTENTIAL PITFALL: Avoid the “feedback sandwich” (praise-criticism-praise), which feels manipulative and dilutes your message. Instead, build a consistent practice of recognition separate from necessary corrective conversations.

4. FAILING TO MAKE FEEDBACK A DIALOGUE

A Gallup study found that feedback conversations where employees speak at least 60% of the time result in 23% higher implementation of suggested improvements.

One-way feedback sessions rarely lead to meaningful change. Without understanding the employee’s perspective and constraints, your solutions may miss critical context.

“The art of conversation lies not in saying the right thing, but in asking the right question.” – Carolyn Wells

EASY WIN: Begin feedback conversations with an open-ended question: “What’s your assessment of how the project went?” Listen fully before sharing your observations.

POTENTIAL PITFALL: Beware of false dialogues where you’re simply waiting for your turn to speak. Demonstrate active listening by paraphrasing what you’ve heard and asking clarifying questions before moving forward.

RESOURCE SPOTLIGHT

BOOK: “Thanks for the Feedback” by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

KEY TAKEAWAY: Understanding the three types of feedback (appreciation, coaching, and evaluation) allows leaders to match their approach to the situation.

TOOL: Radical Candor App

USE CASE: Helps track team interactions and provides in-the-moment guidance on balancing care and challenge in feedback conversations.

YOUR CHALLENGE THIS WEEK

Choose one team member and schedule a 15-minute “growth conversation” focused on development rather than evaluation. Ask: “What’s one aspect of your work where you’d value more of my feedback?” Then listen actively and commit to providing the specific guidance they request over the next month.

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